Looking Back

The past two weeks have been a struggle for me. I have been wrestling with school, relationships, nerves, and finally my testimony.

Before I scare anyone I know that the church is true! I would be lost without it, but I have been struggling with what my part in the church is. We are always told that we can repent of anything we have done. Until the other day I did not understand that. I had seen people that had repented, but as we all know Satan tries to convince us that we are not able to. I was sitting in my Book of Mormon class when I realized I was included in the EVERYONE. Stupid I know, but that is where it hit me.

I decided that I wanted to feel truly clean. I did not want to go about life feeling half bright. I wanted to glow and when I walked down the halls I wanted people to know that I was changed.

The other night I was having a really hard time. I knew that Satan was trying to get to me again and tell me that I could not change, I was doomed. The feeling was overwhelming and I didn't know what to do. I called one of the most amazing people into my room and asked her for help. She closed the door behind her and the minute I opened my mouth she realized something was wrong. She enveloped me into her arms whispering words of comfort and support. I don't usually feel like a touchy-feely person, but at that exact moment the thing I needed most was to know that someone loved me and knew that I could change. I love that girl!!

She told me to kneel down to my Heavenly Father and ask Him for help. She said that He would always be there for me and that this was the time in which Satan was trying his hardest to make me slip up.

The minute she left my room I crawled onto my bed. I have prayed before, but I have never said a prayer like I said that night. I pleaded with my Heavenly Father to help me do the things that needed to be done and asked for his loving arms to envelop me. Never before have I felt that I was being held by Him. I could literally feel his arms around me and could hear him telling me that everything was going to be alright. He loved me and would be there every step of the way.

I prayed for several minutes asking Him to stay with me. I cried and told my Heavenly Father how appreciative I was for His love and for the most precious gift anyone could ever be given. The Atonement.

I know that our Heavenly Father loves us and that when we need help He is there. He wants us to ask Him for help, but we have to ask. I am so grateful for the gospel and the blessings it brings to me.