A Feeling That Has No Words

Today I went and saw a potential place to live next year. I had found it online yesterday and looked it up on google earth. It looked cute, it was an old house, and was really close to campus. When I told my mom the address she said that she had lived there. I was so surprised, but that just made me more excited. All night I had dreams about it. I woke up this morning feeling happy and ready to go and see it. In my mind I had already made the decision that I would ask the landlord to save the spot for me for a few days.

I was so excited for it. This morning was difficult for various reasons and I was so excited to go and see this "cute", old home. Talking to my mom she said that it would look old and to be careful that I wasn't basing my decision all on money. After she said that it would be old, and so harder to keep clean, she said that sometimes that just added character. It was so cool to me to think that I would be living in a house my mom had told me so much about.

I took my roommate Aubree along with me to see it. I am so glad she came because I needed the moral support. Going up to the door I knocked. A girl came to the door and a sinking feeling hit me. I was hoping that she was not the girl I had talked to about the opening, her roommates were leaving and she was going to be the only one left, well she was. I don't know how to describe her, but my roommate said something that fit pretty well. She said she was like the single lady who owns all the cats. That is horrible, but she was.

Well instead of becoming sad I thought that maybe the house was really cute. I was SO wrong. We walked through the old door, which was the only "cute" part of the entire house, and met the same furniture my mom had when she lived there 20 years ago. I am not kidding the furniture was horrible, but I could have gotten past that if that had been all that was wrong with this place. The entire thing looked like it was falling apart. The blinds were all bent, there were over 100 pictures on the wall (I didn't look closely so I don't know what they were), the kitchen was tiny with 3 cupboards, going downstairs I had to lean to the side so that I wouldn't get hit with the ceiling, the bathroom looked like the tiles were original with the house, and various other things.

The minute I stepped in I felt dirty. It is so sad because that place could look sooo good. With some tender love and care it would be amazing. The oldness would definitely add to the character of the house. The rent was cheap, but not cheap enough for what it offered. It would better for the owner to repaint, re carpet, re due the bathroom, and add a few more cabinets and charge more. The place also needed a change in tenants.

Have you ever seen that movie "Calamity Jane"? If not you need to go and watch it. If so you know the part where they re due the cabin and it looks so cute. That is how this place felt to me. Walking out I felt so sad. I really wanted to live there. I thought it would be so much fun to live somewhere my mom had lived, but there is no way I could do it under the present conditions.

I think my roommate could see how sad I was because she said we should just go and look at more apartments, but I wanted that one. After coming out of the house I had a feeling I have never had before. I felt sad, depressed, longing, determination, among various other feelings. I want to go back to that house and take it over for the summer remodeling the thing. Then in the fall I want to move in to the cutest old home. Now I just feel that hopelessness that comes when you don't know what you are going to do. HELP!!!!!!!!!